"Minding the Gap" in the Classroom

Disclaimer - I'm not a professional educator, psychologist or nutritionist; I'm just a mom who would like to share what works for me.

"Mind the gap" is the polite message heard in the London subway system when boarding a train. It reminds people to be careful of the large gap between the platform and the train. I use it as a mantra to help me live in the present moment, reminding me to mind the gap between stimulus and response.

This "look before you leap" approach is critical to keeping order in my household (as well as other facets of my life). On a typical Saturday morning, my grade school kids are contentedly watching TV. Then, seemingly out of the blue, they start arguing: "Get OFF of me!", "I want to watch SPONGE BOB!", etc.

If I'm not minding the gap, I turn off the TV and send them each to their rooms to cool off. If I AM minding the gap, I turn of the TV and start asking questions; not "Who started it!!!," but "What would you like for breakfast?" , "Have you been to the potty yet?" or "Are you thirsty?"

From the moment they were born we have asked these questions, figured out what was wrong, and Voila!, our child stopped crying (usually). Nothing has changed except the child is older. Their physical state still affects their mood and needs to be evaluated before we take disciplinary action.

So how does this relate to school? Why do you think Hamden Public Schools are now offering breakfast in all schools? You can't concentrate or behave on an empty stomach, can you?

A few weeks back I was volunteering at my school and I overheard the teacher in the next classroom (we have open classrooms at West Woods) and was appalled at the way the teacher was handling a "problem" student. The child had not done his homework, was talking to his neighbor, getting things wrong, and within 30 minutes the child had four checks and a detention. BTW, this was a first or second grader. It was also 10:30 and the class hadn't had snack yet. I left with a knot in my stomach because of the accusatory tone the teacher took with the student. Its quite possible that the child in trouble has learning and behavioral issues. However, if she had minded "the gap" and spent a moment to think about what immediate physical need the child had, like that he was hungry, the downward spiral to detention could have been avoided.

Even though our children are able to make their own choices and do things themselves, they haven't learned to do a body scan, asking the questions that pertain to their physical and emotional well being. It's up to us, as parents and teachers, to continue to monitor all of their needs until we've taught them how to do it on their own.

I often think of Dr. John Gray's perspective from, "Children Are From Heaven." Children are not "bad," they misbehave to get attention. We should mind the gap and find out what they really need.

Peace,
Marjorie